Los Angeles Culture: Lesson #1

(I'm humming a Katy Perry tune which won't embed on my blog. Its on youtube. You're So Gay.)
I’m a transplant to Los Angeles. As such, I like to note the little idiosyncrasies that make LA; LA. Fact: Male residents of Los Angeles have lower sperm counts than male residents of New York. And you wouldn’t believe the way this plays itself out in the LA social scene.

The first thing that I noticed upon moving to Los Angeles was that guys here are picky-eaters: raw food, macrobiotic dieters. They eat salads; order off the menu, eat tofu turkey (tofurkey), cage-free egg whites only please and organic, non-genetically modified vegetables. Good-looking men, under the age of 40, just can’t wait to compare notes about workouts. You can even have a meaningful conversation about yoga and Pilates studios and trainers.

Men here want to discuss where you buy your clothes and accessories and will ask you to come shopping with them. Not to get in your pants. No.
Actually, it is a test; they want to make sure your taste and style measure up. Note Queer Eye For the Straight Guy was filmed in New York.

Frankly, I only exist to Angelino black men on the day I get my hair done.
That’s the only time any black man will talk to me. And, I do mean any. The conversation will start with a: ‘Is that your real hair?’
And end with a ‘Your hair looks really nice.’ If one is really interested in me and sees me on a regular basis, then he will take me to the beauty shop himself. That will be our first date. No lie.

In short, LA men are so gay; so very, very gay: even if they don’t want to suck another guy’s penis. They have skin care regimens, cold cream, man-makeup, and are regulars at the nail salon. As a woman living in LA, you have got to invest thousands in your beauty routine just to keep up. Otherwise…..

Another thing is that LA men don’t curse. Has gangster rap has made Angelinos self-conscious? I guess. Bitch is just another noun here, but a casual “fuck” or “shit” will earn a violation from some guy’s mental manners ticket book.

In short, LA men are so very gay.
Many don’t like penis, but it seems all of them want to fuck an asshole. Backs and chest are waxed; hair is highlighted; and the list just goes on and on.
Somehow on the east coast; men pay attention to their grooming without making you feel insecure, as a woman. (sigh) (head shaking) (eye roll)

In Los Angeles, you’re not competing with other women; you are competing with the guy. Are you feminine enough to make him look masculine? And for what?